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Author Archive

Give Your Child The Gift Of Fear For Their Birthday

 

 

Dominic Deville has found his niche in children entertainment market: evil birthday clowns. Pioneering on Coulrophobia (fear of clowns), Deville’s services include stalking the young victim the week leading up to the child’s birthday and in the end will track them down and smash a cake in their face. Sounds funny right? Well your kid probably won’t think so. Throughout the terrifying week Deville will consistently text, email, and call the young victim with threats of an emanate attack. The good thing is that is if you don’t want to pay for future therapy sessions, that if the child becomes fearful for their life, or parents get concerned, Deville will call of the attack.

Deville said: “The clown will never break into a residence or show up at work. It’s all in fun and if, at any point, the kids get scared or their parents are concerned, we stop right there… But most kids absolutely love being scared senseless.”

Based out of Lucerne,Switzerland, Dominic Deville was inspired by horrific clowns, more than likely like Stephen Kings “IT”, or Violator from the Spawn comics, or more disturbingly John Wayne Gacy Jr. but Im hoping not the latter of the three.
Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/821591-evil-clown-hired-for-stalking-threats-and-a-pie-in-the-face#ixzz1uOa1dlgT


Shoggoths Of The Sea!

 “On land the great reptiles proved highly tractable; but the shoggoths of the sea, reproducing by fission and acquiring a degree of accidental intelligence, presented for a time a formidable problem.” H.P. Lovecraft ~ At The Mountains Of Madness

Well, the ocean is an amazing place, but it still terrifies me. The creatures of the deep have captivated imaginations and have been the topic of speculation for centuries. From ancient sea battles with leviathans and giant squids, to recent discoveries of life at depths that almost back up those mythical claims, the ocean has been a constant realm of fear and fascination.

The two videos below came to my attention via IO9.com, and feature two almost unexplainable creatures. The first has been described as a specimen of the Deepstaria enigmatica, from the jellyfish family. Others speculate that it is simply a free floating whale’s placenta. But upon viewing, as the creature unravels it looks to have a florescent tail, like other deep sea creatures that use florescent appendages to help lure prey. The second video is of a another species of the jellyfish family known as  Stygiomedusa gigantea. These creatures have been sighted only 114 times in the last 110 years and have boggled scientists with their meter long umbrella-like bell, and paddle-shaped arms that extend to six meters in length and contain no stinging tentacles.

Either way, while watching these videos I couldn’t help but think of Lovecraft’s Shoggoths. Especially the amorphous creature featured in the first video. The way it moves through the water, and how it seems to show interest in the camera, or maybe the light.


Childhood Author Of “Where The Wild Things Are” Has Died At Age 83

Maurice Sendak, author of 1963 classic “Where the Wild Things Are” has passed away from complications due to a stroke. It is a sad day for those who grew up loving this book. The Caldecott Medal winner has touched hearts and influenced the imagination of many generations and will continue to do so as time goes on.

Sendak, though best known for his work on WTWTA, has had a prestigious life in both theater and literature. Known for other books such as “In the Night Kitchen”, and “Outside, Over There” which won him a National Book Award in 1982. Sendak also worked with the creators of Sesame Street, and on stage with the likes of the Houston Grand Opera and the New York City Opera, as well with Tony Kushner on an English version of the Czech children’s opera “Brundibar”. The illustrated book version, drawn by Sendak, featured text by Kushner and was named one of the 10 best illustrated books of 2003 by the New York Times Book Review.

Maurice Sendak’s own childhood was not an easy one. Losing most of his family during the holocaust, and suffering from health problems that left him bed ridden, Sendak found inspiration and new life after watching Disney’s “Fantasia” at the age of twelve which inspired him to be an illustrator.

Though Unspeakable Gibberer deals mostly with things of a stranger nature, I believe it is important to pay homage to a great person who inevitably help create/build the imaginations of millions. With out him we may never of thought it possible to imagine new worlds that we ourselves could visit in our minds and still return home.

Maurice Sendak you will be missed.


 


More Sad News For Lovecraft Fans Anticipating Del Toro’s Adaptation of At The Mountains Of Madness

Thanks to a tip from IO9.com I recently read a post by Guillermo Del Toro on his blog in regards to Prometheus,and how the film is most likely the death of At The Mountains Of Madness. April 30th Del Toro enlightened his fans with his thoughts on the new Ridley Scott film. –

“I have been interviewed about this lately and wanted to post my two cents about this:

Prometheus started filming a while ago- right at the time we were in preproduction on PACIFIC RIM. The title itself gave me pause- knowing that ALIEN was heavily influenced by Lovecraft and his novella.
This time, decades later with the budget and place Ridley Scott occupied, I assumed the greek metaphor alluded at the creation aspects of the HPL book. I believe I am right and if so, as a fan, I am delighted to see a new RS science fiction film, but this will probably mark a long pause -if not the demise- of ATMOM.
The sad part is- I have been pursuing ATMOM for over a decade now- and, well, fter Hellboy II two projects I dearly loved were not brought to fruition for me.
The good part is: One project did… And I am loving it and grateful for the blessings I have received.
Onwards.
G”

That one project is, I believe, “Pacific Rim”, a film about an alien invasion that is fought with huge battle robots piloted by humans. Kinda makes me think of the Gundam cartoons.

My feelings are that Prometheus just had more financial backing, and simply beat Del Toro to the punch. When asked further by fans about this he said:

“Same premise. Scenes that would be almost identical.”

Which would explain why making At The Mountains Of Madness so soon after Prometheus might be a bad idea. Though I agree with one of the his fans that with all these ancient alien invasion flicks, wouldn’t now be the best time for the Lovecraft film? It is a tricky question to answer in the vain that no one wants ATMOM to fall in line with with the rest, and not stand alone as a masterpiece, as Lovecraft’s novel is.

So for now, no Shoggoths, Elder Things, or large blind penguins.

What are your thoughts?


The Double Shadow Podcast

A new podcast has enslaved my ears and left my mind craving more. The Double Shadow Podcast, a podcast revolving around the life and works of author Clark Ashton Smith. Lead by Phil, Tim, and Ruth (a.k.a Cthulhu Chick) we learn, in the first episode, about Smith’s career and life, and a little insight on his stories.

The Double Shadow is sort of framed up like the H.P. Lovecraft Literary Podcast, and shows the same potential for expanding an audience for an author who never got the recognition he deserved. I am a firm believer/supporter in spreading the weird around so when I saw this podcast I jumped to it. I am appreciative that someone is putting this together, and I am very excited to continue listening to what Phil, Tim, and Ruth have to teach me. Listening to things like the H.P. Podcraft and The Double Shadow, make me want a Robert E. Howard, or Frank Belknap Long podcast.

Episode one is up and running over at iTunes, so hurry and check it out! Cheers to these guys.

 

**If you are interested on learning ahead of the class, then check out The Eldritch Dark: The Sanctum of Clark Ashton Smith, and quest for knowledge of his live and read his works.

 


Goosebumps: Monster Blood

  Monster Blood

  Cover Line: It’s a monster blood drive!

  Back Line: BLOOD, BLOOD, EVERYWHERE…

  Rating: 2 out of 5 Stars Aligned

  Book Description: While staying with his weird great-aunt Kathryn, Evan visits a funky old toy store and buys a dusty can of monster blood. It’s fun to play with at first. And Evan’s dog, Trigger, likes it so much, he eats some!

But then Evan notices something weird about the green, slimy, stuff – it seems to be growing. And growing. And growing. And all that growing has giben the monster blood a monstrous appetite….

Another great entry in the long (and I do mean long) series of Goosebumps books. This is the third book in the original series, and I am happy that I did not decide to journey through all the Goosebumps books that follow the original 62 books. The plot is nonsensical, the characters (except one of them) are terrible, and the ending has got to be the worst ending in the Goosebumps repertoire. So… with that in mind here we go.

The story begins with whiney Evan Ross, who is twelve of course, pleading with his mother to make him stay with his aunt Kathryn, who is eighty years old and deaf. Unable to hear, read lips, or sign with her hands Kathryn greets the two at her front door while gripping a bloody butcher knife she’s using to cook. And at this point I thought, at first, was pretty bad parenting, but then I realized that his folks were smart in dumping the whiney brat on the doorstep of someone who can’t listen to his crap.

After meeting his aunt, Evan is even more convinced that his life sucks and that he and his dog, Trigger, are doomed for the summer. Especially after Kathryn orders Trigger to be tied up outside for the remainder of their stay so that he doesn’t scare her cat, Sarabeth. The cat is an unessential character so just forget about it.

Now left alone with his aunt, Evan takes a tour of the old house and then decides to take Trigger for a walk around the unfamiliar town. Along his tiny journey he meets Andrea, or as her friends call her Andy. Let me just side note that if Stine would have just made Andy the main character, this story would have been 13x more enjoyable. As they get acquainted, calling each other stupid, they head off toward down town so Andy can show Evan around some shops.

In need of a gift for her cousin, Andy leads Evan into one of the two, yes two, local toy stores for a look around. As the two look through the must shelves of Wagner’s Novelties & Sundries the come across something that peaks both their interests. In the back lies a can with the label, ‘MONSTER BLOOD: SURPRISING MIRACLE SUBSTANCE.’ The “substance” intrigues the two so much that they begin to fight over who gets the only one available. At this time the shop owner shows up and sternly tries to dissuade either of them from purchasing the Monster Blood, but breaks down and gives it away to Evan for two dollars.

After leaving the shop, Andy and Evan head back to Kathryn’s house to check out the Monster Blood. Does anyone remember GAK? You know, that stretchy, goopy stuff that Nickelodeon came out with in the 90’s. Well that is monster blood, or at least what it starts off as. As they play around with this stuff they have sort of a Flubber moment and discover it’s extremely bouncy. But it leaves stains on the ceiling and the carpet, so they decide to take it outside, where they begin to toss it back and forth. And of course one of them drops it and the dog Trigger, in a total plot shocker, eats part of the monster blood.

The next morning Evan gets dolled up in his denim cut offs, and a red GAP t-shirt to go see Andy. On the way he comes across the Beymer twins. While being pushed around by the two thugs Andy comes to Evans rescue. Though she seems to not be much help when the two push her in the dirt and steal her bike. To which she calmly replies, “I’ll get it back. They’ve done this before. They’ll leave it somewhere when they’re finished.”

The two take the walk of shame back to their houses, where Evan finds Trigger being strangled by his own collar. It’s clear that the dog has grown as a side effect of devouring the monster blood, but a very concerned Evan kneels down to ask his dog, “What made this collar shrink like that, boy?”

Understanding the dog has grown a little, and may have something wrong with it, Evan does nothing about it. The next morning Evan wakes up and wonders around the town to find Andy trying to let a cat, which had been tortured by the Beymer twins, go. Instead of helping the jerk just stands around and watches, then they head back to Evans room to check out the monster blood.

Upon re-inspection, they see that the blood has grown. It’s no longer gooey, more liquid, and is warm instead of cold. So of course instead of being worried of making a big mess with the stuff they have a monster blood fight. And again we have a couple pages of them playing with it again, which in Goosebumps pages is a chapter sometimes two. When they stop Evan points out the window to show to Andy that Trigger has grown considerably. Suddenly they watch the dog break through the fence and start running down the street. As Evan is running after the dog he sees that it is transforming into a terrifying monster. Then he wakes up. And finds that he himself is way too big for his bed, and has grown like Trigger. Then he wakes up again.

*Side Note*

Im not exactly sure where the dream starts. So for my own amusement I decide to do a little dream analysis for everyone. Andy saving the scared cat is actually how Evan sees himself in Andy’s eyes. As a scardy cat!, and when Trigger gets so big and runs away is a simple comparison of the responsibility that comes with taking care of a dog, and how Evan is not very good at taking care of his. Hence the eating of the foreign substance, and being choked in his collar. But what do I know?

*End Side Note*

Anyway after the dream scare, Evan and Andy take Trigger to the vet, who says that the dog is experiencing a late growth spurt and sends the kids on their way. Andy heads off to piano practice, and Evan buys himself an ice cream. Enter Beymer twins. On a mission to make Evan their bitch, the twins make an attempt to ruffle his feathers. Trigger doesn’t agree with the new attention Evan is getting and begins to hound… sorry chase after the twins.

When Evan finally catches up to Trigger, the twins are gone. Back home he finds he has a bigger problem and calls Andy immediately to meet up at her place. As he shows up Andy is surprised to see how full the bucket is with the monster blood, the stuff is growing. Realizing that the stuff is alive, they figure out, finally, that this must be what’s behind Triggers “growth spurt”. Andy agrees to help and take some. Satisfied Evan leaves only to once again run into the Beymer twins.

Not very happy, and ready to officially execute that bitch owning idea, the Beymer twins actually, in detail, beat up Evan. Now I know no one should be excited when the protagonist gets his ass whooped, but I was clapping at this point. Once again Andy comes to rescue Evan, and the twins run away, further proving that Evan is a pussy cat.

Andy helps Evan scoop the spilled monster blood back into the bucket and comes up with the most amazing plan so far; to go back to the toy shop and inquire about the monster blood. Genius. When Evan gets home he realizes he needs to find something bigger to hold the monster blood. After a little looking he finds a bathtub just sitting in the garage. While filling the tub Sarabeth, the cat, jumps on his back and knocks him into the makeshift vat of monster blood. After a really tense struggle, Evan frees himself from the grasp of the green ooze.

The next morning he tries to tell his aunt about the problem but she just scoffs at him, as would anyone else. Following through with their plan, him and Andy head off to Wagner’s Novelties & Sundries, dragging along two trash bags worth of monster blood. I had to pause at this point again and wonder how many hours have these two spent scooping and placing this stuff in different containers, and how come no one has noticed. In my city that would look pretty suspicious. Bad news though, the store is closed. My guess, one toy store bought out the other. Fail.

Upon their return back at Kathryn’s, Evan sees his mom has sent him a telegram telling him she’s on her way! Evan freaks out and rushes to go tell his dog. When they see Trigger, they see that he is actually doubled in size, and of course he runs away. As he runs away Evan and Andy give chase, and on the way knock over the can that held the monster blood bags. The spilled monster blood begins to chase after Evan and Andy, and while it does the Beymer twins show up again only to be inhaled by the blood. Not slowing down while eating the twins the blood follows the kids, but stops when Kathryn pokes her head out to see what’s up, causing the monster blood to change course toward her.

*Warning This Ending Might Go Fast*

So the kids rush in the house to save Kathryn, and find her backed into a corner. Suddenly she screams that she is responsible for the monster blood, and that it won’t stop till she’s dead. Just to get one last word in, as usual with him, Evan begins to accuse Kathryn of almost killing him and potentially destroying Trigger. Then Kathryn pulls a reverse and says it wasn’t her and points to Sarabeth, the friggin cat. Sigh

And then just like that the damn cat turns into a pretty woman who admits to spell casting the monster blood, and begins to threaten the kids and Kathryn that she will kill them all. Trigger, the still doubled in size, jumps through the door and pushes Sarabeth into the undulating mass of monster blood. Then POOF! and the monster blood shrinks to a puddle and the twins fall out, run away and Trigger turns back to his normal size.

There I got through it, wow the pain.

The twist: As Evan and Andy are saying their good byes, Andy asks to keep some of the monster blood as a souvenir. Evan agrees to it, probably hoping she will use it as a token of remembrance of him, and when they go to collect, they see the monster blood vanished.

So there you have it, that’s Monster Blood. Really. I know when I was a kid I really like this one, as I am sure a lot of other young readers did. Once again, as it will probably be for them all, im sure looking at it from an older perspective changes the way I read these things. I may have been harsh by saying it’s the worst book, or even the worst ending. Even if it IS the worst ending, I’ve still got a long way to go.

Next up on the list is Say Cheese and Die
Found the T.V. episode of this book and thought you might like to see some differences.


Never Thought I’d See Something Like This

A cool little video I saw while cruising through iO9 yesterday.

Its crazy to think that three completly different creatures could kind of hang out together. I got a little concerned when the lady behind the camera said “Mr. Eagle keeps calling me.” I kind of shrugged it off, but then I went to check out some info about the film on YouTube and saw this:

”  …Also, earlier in the day when the fox first came Gizmo my cat went right up to the fox and told him to leave.  It was too funny!  But the fox came right back!”


What Has Washed Up On The Shores Of South Carolina?

So something else has crawled out of the depths of the ocean to land on our shore. Though it looks like something new, and unnamable, the South Carolina sea monster has been identified as a prehistoric Atlantic Sturgeon. Sturgeon have been around for approximately 100 million years. They have survived extinction after extinction, and have been around for most of the big changes our planet has gone through. But even with a hide of stone, these unique creatures have met their match.

For over a century these creatures, who swam with the dinosaurs, have had a lot of trouble with mankind. About a hundred years ago it was common, and very popular, for fisherman to come across one of these plated beasts harvest their eggs for caviar. This was done no other way than to sacrifice the female and harvesting the eggs. This is how Sturgeon began to disappear. Pollution never helps either though. These fish are bottom feeders, so it’s no wonder that when population began to drastically increase, so

These are amazing specimens. Covered in a bone plating called scutes rather than the usual scales seen on your daily catches. The average Atlantic Sturgeon is 10 ft long and weighs in at approximately 300 lbs, however they have been seen, as is the case with the guy above, to grow 15 ft long and 800 lbs.

Here in North Dakota they are trying to thrive in the Missouri River, and from time to time someone might snag one. But, no fisherman is allowed to bring that fish in the boat, on shore, or even touch it. I like that. Other places/states actually have a season to fish for Sturgeon. There are places, like in Maryland, that have been desperately trying to recover the Sturgeon population, but it has been tough.

This is what I have to ask you though. Why all the sudden are we finding all these exotic creatures in our backyards, and on our beaches? Why is it that some of the worlds most well hidden secrets are rising to the surface so to speak? I ask this because I have my own answer but would like to hear others. What do you think?


The Lovecraft eZine Needs Your Help!

Yesterday, March 21st, Mike Davis of the Lovecraft eZine posted about some of the hardships that come with running an essentially free online magazine. Since its conception 15 months ago, the Lovecraft eZine has accumulated over 1,000 fans. And in that short time has made strong contacts with the likes of Wilum H. Pugmire, Joseph S. Pulver, and others who I would not know of if I hadn’t come across the eZine. As some may have seen Mike also has an S.T. Joshi seal of approval, which, in the realm of Lovecraft, is a tremendous honor.

To get to the point, Mike and his family have fallen on some shaky times and could use a tentacle or two of help right now. Recently slammed with medical bills that were not expected, Mike was forced to use HIS own money that HE had saved for the magazine to pay authors and artists to help out with his bills. We all have our problems be it medical or mental or social we have them, so instead of thinking that you should take care of yourself first, just think about how it would feel if someone helped you with your problems.

Heres the thing, a pack of smokes, a Starbucks as Mike mentioned in his post, or that bottle of Coke/Pepsi cost anywhere from $1.25 to $12 (considering you’re a coffee junky that drinks quad shots on top of doubles). If you were to save that for one day and throw the eZine a bone, even that small amount will do justice. Every penny makes a sound in the bucket. There are other things you can do as well, like purchase a NEW Lovecraft eZine t-shirt. Me and the wife have one and we like them.

I have been in contact with Mike for about 4-5 months now and I have to say this guy is one of the coolest/nicest people I have had the pleasure of having contact with. He has helped me out with certain things, and has even let me participate in the eZine from time to time. He’s the real deal my friends so please do not only do him and his family a favor, but yourself and the many others how love and will come to love our Lovecraftian family.

Gibberer out.


R.I.P ~ H.P. Lovecraft, August 20 1890 – March 15 1937

Today is my wife and I’s anniversary. But today I am not here to explain my marital bliss to you. No, even though im sure you’d love to hear how two people are still quite madly in love after two years of marriage, im here on a different matter. Today also is a sad day for me for I know it is the anniversary of one of the world’s best imaginator’s, Howard Phillips Lovecraft. From August 20th, 1890 to March 15th 1937, this world was blessed with the presence of this man. I, along with an army of fellow Lovecraftian’s morn this man on this day, and though we are very happy to have such availability to his work, we also wish that this genius had many more years than just the 46 he had on this planet.

So a few days ago I saw someone had found Mr. Lovecraft’s obituary and though it would be nice to show it here as well. The version I have is blown up for easier reading, fact is it’s still hard to get through. So, along with the actual obit. I also transcribed it below for clearer understanding of what it says. Though it doesn’t really cover his writing career to in any detail really, it does do a good job of covering his life, from his ailments, to his studies, his grandfather, and his parents.

I have been into Lovecraft for a couple of years now, and that interest has only grown with each story I’ve read, each letter he penned, and every idea that he gave me for my own weird tales. So for that I thank you Lovecraft and I hope you are comfortable amongst the Ghouls and Night-gaunts that surely inhabit your afterlife, at least we all hope. And we will continually promise to Not Call Up Any That We Can Not Put Down!

Thank you.

Funeral services for Howard Phillip Lovecraft, student and writer of fiction, who died yesterday at Jane Brown Memorial Hospital, will be held Thursday at 12 o’clock in the chapel of Horace B. Knowles’s Sons, 187 Benefit Street. Burial will be in the family plot in Swan Point Cemetery. He was 46.

                Born in this city, Aug. 20, 1890, the only child of the late Winfield S. and Sarah P. Lovecraft, Mr. Lovecraft from early life was handicapped by poor health. Essentially a student and an omnivorous reader, he was able to take his place only from time to time in regular school classrooms with children of his own age but graduated from Hope Street high school and secured the equivalent of a college education from private tutors.

                His early recourse to the library of his grandfather , Whipple V. Phillips, at 454 Angell street in which he was turned loose to browse at will gave him the bend toward weird writing which was his hobby. In his autobiographs, which he wrote up to the day before he was admitted to the hospital last month, he related the importance to his life of the fairy tales and classical tales he read but six years of age.

                Besides his interest in the supernatural, he was a constant student of genealogy and of astronomy, and at one time, wrote a newspaper column on the latter subject. His days and nights for years were spent in writing in the library at 86 College Street, where he lived, in recent years, with his aunt, Mrs. Phillips Camwell, his sole survivor. As he neared the end of his life, he turned his scholarly interests to a study of his own physical condition and daily wrote minutely of his case for his physician’s assistance. His clinical notes ended only when he could no longer hold a pencil.

 

So with that I am heading off to work to enjoy a day of listening to some Lovecraft audio books, and a whole lot of the H.P. Lovecraft Literary Podcast at www.Hppodcraft.com. Cheers!


Could This be the Intelligent Gas Lovecraft Wrote About?

“What it is, only God knows. In terms of matter I suppose the thing Ammi described would be called a gas, but this gas obeyed the laws that are not of our cosmos” ~ H.P. Lovecraft, The Colour out of Space 1927

Maybe Mr. Lovecraft wasn’t so far off with that idea. It is true that Lovecraft entertained the idea of a highly intelligent gas/mist as a possibility. He chiefly confirms this through his tale, The Colour Out of Space, and a couple of others like in The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, and Celaphaïs. But in a letter he wrote he stated:

“How do we know that the form of atomic and molecular motion called ‘life’ is the highest of all forms? Perhaps the dominate creature–the most rational and God-like of all beings–is an invisible gas!”

After watching this, I think Howie Lovecraft might be right.


Goosebumps: Stay Out of the Basement

  Stay Out Of The Basement

  Cover Line: Something’s waiting in the dark….

  Back Line: Live Plants…Dead People?

  Rating: 3 out of 5 stars in alignment

  Book Description: Dr. Brewer is doing a little plant-testing in his basement. Nothing to worry about. Harmless, really. But Margaret and Casey Brewer are worried about their father. Especially when they…meet…some of the plants he is growing down there. Then they notice that their father is developing plantlike tendencies. In fact, he is becoming distinctly weedy–and seedy. Is it just part of their father’s “harmless” experiment? Or has the basement turned into another little shop of horrors?

Margaret and Casey are confused. Their dad, Dr. Brewer, hasn’t been himself ever since he was fired from his job at PolyTech. He hardly speaks to them, he’s wearing baseball caps, he stays up late, he spends all day in the basement, and he puts all his time and money into his hobbies. But what Margaret and Casey don’t know is that dad is probably going through midlife crisis. Or at least that’s what I thought.

As the story goes, After Dr. Brewer is fired from his job at PolyTech, due to some experiment gone wrong, he moves his work to his basement at home. There he establishes a lab that he locks and forbids anyone from entering. And already you have to think that even Mrs. Brewer might be a little suspicious of what her husband’s really up too. But oblivious to her husband’s change in personality she leaves town to help her sick sister.

When their parents leave to the airport, Margaret and Casey, along with their friend Diane, debate taking a look at Dr. Brewers work. Finally cracking, they all decide to go take a look and as they descend the stairs into the basement, they discover dozens of tall, fruit bearing plants. They find this odd considering that their dad only started work down here a few weeks ago. It’s hot down there and for some reason Casey takes off his shirt. As the kids continue to look around, they begin to hear heavy breathing coming from the plants.

After being freaked out by the human sounds emitting from the plants they decide to leave the basement. As they enter back into the kitchen they notice Dr. Brewer pulling into the driveway, and that’s when Casey realizes that he left his shirt downstairs. As he hurries to retrieve it, Margaret notices that Dr. Brewer gets caught up talking to a neighbor, leaving Casey more than enough time to hurry back up with his shirt. Right? As Dr. Brewer wraps up his chat and starts to come inside, Margaret starts to scream to Casey who in the process of grabbing his shirt, is grabbed in return by one of the heavily breathing plants.

Hurrying downstairs Margaret rushes to help Casey so they can run back upstairs in time before their dad returns. But as they begin to trot up the steps they see Dr. Brewer in the doorway. Instead of freaking out, he sits them down and calmly explains that someday he will explain what he is doing in the basement, but until then, he insists the children stay safe and out of the basement. To be sure they follow this decree, the next day locks are newly placed on the basement door.

Later on Margaret talks to her mother on the phone and tries to explain her concern. But Mrs. Brewer isn’t buying it (because she realizes that Mr. Brewer is going through mid-life crisis, and Margaret is growing into her rebellious teen years). Anyway, after Margaret hangs up, she heads downstairs to talk to her father. When she enters the kitchen that leads to the basement, she is startled to see her father at the sink. Curious of what he’s up to she watches him from around the corner. As she spies him, she notices that he is eating something and quite ravenously at that. After finishing, throwing something in the trash, and heading back to the basement, Margaret creeps out to investigate. When she opens the trash she discovers a freshly emptied bag of plant food!

Soon after finding this, she tells Casey who seems to not want to put the obvious puzzle together. But a few days later as the two are playing Frisbee, Casey excitedly sails a throw to his father who isn’t paying attention. The Frisbee knocks of his Dodgers cap revealing a balding head with tiny leaves sprouting from the scalp. Pretty freaked out, the kids are sat down, and Dr. Brewer explains how it’s a side effect from the work he’s doing in the basement.

What big daddy Dr. Brewer tells the kids is, that he has been working with both plant DNA, and animal DNA, and pretty much trying to play God. Basically. And though Casey gets sold on this, Margaret still feels that something’s not right. Later that night, while lying awake, she hears her father walking in the hallway and decides to try to confront him again. Finding that he is in the bathroom, she peeks in and is frightened to see her father unwrapping his hand and revealing a gash oozing green blood.

The next morning, while explaining what she saw to Casey, Dr. Brewer announces that he has made them lunch. Suspicious the two sit at the table and quiver as they are served a dish of what is best described as green mashed potatoes. Saved by the door bell, Dr. Brewer goes to answer it giving the kids enough time to scrape their plates clean, only to announce they ate it all.

At the door is Mr. Martinez, Dr. Brewer’s old boss. Feeling somewhat guilty for firing Dr. Brewer, he wanted to swing by and see how his “work” was coming along, and if it was good enough, maybe he could get his job back at PolyTech for him. Surprised, Dr. Brewer guides him downstairs.

The next day while Dr. Brewer is out helping a neighbor fix a sink, the siblings get bold again, and go down in the basement. Although not very smart, we get to see Casey’s bright future as he picks the lock to the basement. I do believe he’s like 11 years old. Anyway, while snooping they come across Mr. Martinez’s neatly folded suit. Realizing they never saw Mr. Martinez actually leave the house yesterday, the two begin to speculate what actually happened to Dr. Brewer’s boss. Suddenly they hear footsteps upstairs, and rush up to the kitchen but are caught once again by their father. Startled to see the siblings holding the suit, Dr. Brewer explains how yesterday Mr. Martinez got hot in the warm climate of the basement and took off his suit coat and left without it. Fully understanding this, especially because Casey had done the same thing, they accept their father’s lame excuse.

Upon awaking the next day, the kids are excited to hear from their father that their mother is coming home that day. As Dr. Brewer leaves, Casey becomes so happy that he insists that he and his sister fly kites until their mother returns. Sounds like a good idea, but the kites are in the basement. So after they break in, again, they go in search of the kites, and stumble upon Mr. Martinez’s shoes and pants. It is then they begin to realize that Mr. Martinez probably didn’t leave the house half naked. Suddenly they hear a bunch of thumping and knocking coming from a supply cabinet close by. After breaking into that too, they find some pretty disturbing plants, some with faces, and some with arms.

Through the anthropomorphic foliage though, Margaret spies a couple pairs of feet with human legs attached. Pushing past the weird plants they find Mr. Martinez, who we must think is gaged in his boxers, and their father! As the two help the captured men out of the closet the one that looks like Dr. Brewer quickly tells the kids that he is their real father, and that the other man on the way to the airport, is a plant clone of himself. After being untied the new Dr. Brewer leaps to a corner grabbing an axe and heads for the stairs. But as he does the “imposter” Dr. Brewer comes rushing down the steps with Mrs. Brewer.

Ok, this is where it gets a little confusing to describe. So, the Dr. Brewer with an axe has no hat on, so he’s cap less Brewer, and the other is capped Brewer. Okay? Okay, so, cap less Brewer with the axe tries to convince he’s the real father, the same for capped Brewer. Finally Margaret charges cap less Brewer and retrieves the axe. Then she is faced with the choice of who is her real father. To make it quick; she gets a knife from Casey and she slices cap less Brewer only to see his red blood. So that automatically makes him the real dad supposedly. She gives him the axe and he splits cap wearing Brewer right in two down the middle.

The book is concluded with Dr. Brewer explaining that some of his blood got mixed with the plant DNA and started the whole mess. Completely sold on that, even though he has leaves growing out of his head, the family goes on with its happy life. Dr. Brewer destroys the mutant plants and actual plants a few normal ones in the backyard. One day as Margaret is in the back yard she becomes frightened when she notices a small yellow flower actually nudging at her ankle. And it spoke “Margaret, help me. Please — help me. I’m your father. Really! I’m your real father.”

Wow, a natural M. Night Shyamalan stuff right there. So what do you think? Yes, yes, I know it’s a children’s book, but it is quite fun to go back with adult eyes and re-see and re-read these things and how you interpret them now that your older. I initially thought this one was better than Welcome to Dead House, but still found some parts pretty cheesy.

But on the contrary there are some pretty funny passages that I found, and makes me wonder if R.L. Stine was trying to get a few chuckles in there as well.

“Why do you want to do this?” Margaret asked her friend. “Why are you so eager to go down there?” Diane shrugged. “It beats doing our math,” she replied, grinning.

“So what are you trying to say, that Dad is out of his tree?”

There are many others as well but you will have to give it a read and find them for yourself. I did this review differently from the last. Its longer, and more in depth in the story, and I was wondering if this is better, or if I should keep it shorter and smarter. What do you think? Let me know by dropping a comment below or email me at unspeakablegibberer@live.com. All in all I kind of liked this one, I just hope they get a little better down the line. Cheers!


Goosebumps: Welcome to Dead House

  Welcome to Dead House

  Cover Line: It will Just kill You.

  Back Line: Look Alive!

  Rating: 3 out of 5 stars in alignment

So a few months ago I was looking for something, that of which I can’t remember right now, and came across some old boxes from my childhood. It’s always fun to rummage through old keepsakes and memories, and as my wife and I went through them we came across my old Goosebumps books. Yep those cheesy horror pre-teen novels that everyone had to have. My selection spans the first 49 books in the “classic” series, and it got me to thinking about what any of them were about.

Although I don’t remember reading them all, I remember reading a few of them for sure. A few that stand out in my mind are; Monster Blood, The Haunted Mask, Night of the Living Dummy, and my favorite The Beast from the East. Typically plot based around one to three child protagonists who endure some evil/supernatural downfall, and are forced (usually without the help of able adults) to conquer it.

I guess im bringing all of this up because I plan on rereading through the series. And although I am missing the last twelve or so books, I think if the series is going good after 49 of books I might pick them up. Besides my kids my like them someday. So I began with #1 Welcome to Dead House, and decided to log this little challenge as I go and review each yarn as well.

Book Description: Amanda and Josh think the old house they have just moved into is weird. Spooky. Possibly haunted. And the town of Dark Falls is pretty strange, too. But their parents don’t believe them. You’ll get used to it, they say. Go out and make some new friends. So Amanda and Josh do. But these new friends are not exactly what their parents had in mind. Because they want to be friends… …forever.

So the new kids in town just don’t quite fit in with the rest of the folks in Dark Falls. By the way, who the hell would pick up leave their old life behind to move to a town called Dark Falls, seriously? Anyway, as the family tries to settle in, make new friends, the kids can’t help but feel a sense of dread, which turns in to paranoia for young Amanda. That was kind of annoying, but I guess it guilt up the suspicion in the story that the reader endures with the protagonist.

The story proceeds with strange encounters with what sound like pale emo pre-teens, who become Amanda and Josh’s friends. The family dog Petey seems to dislike everyone in the town including the real-estate agent that turns over the house, Mr. Dawes. No foreshadowing there. One day the dog runs off and the kids spend all day looking for it.

While the parents head off to a neighborhood party, the kids decide to head to the cemetery and look for the dog. On the way they encounter Ray, one of the emo pre-teens, who warns them that it’s dangerous to go to the cemetery at night. Duh. But they go anyway and discover more than their dog. Turns out the town is dead, and they find this out when they stumble upon the tombstones of the “friends” they’ve made the last few weeks. As they turn a flash light on Ray to inquire about this the kids face melts off from the bright light. Learning that everyone is dead including their dog, Petey, they realize that they are probably next.

So in a mad dash they head home to find their folks, but no one is there but the dead kids. Mr. Dawes shows up looking like a hero gaining Amanda and Josh’s trust and whisks them away in a car supposedly to see their parents. But it doesn’t take long to find out that Mr. Dawes is one of the town’s ghosts… zombies… vampires. I’m not sure what they are cause they’re out in the day, they just can’t be in direct light of any kind, they need fresh blood, but they appear and disappear like ghosts.

Anyway, the kids find their folks after melting Mr. Dawes, and crash a tree through a shaded area to expose sun light melting all the towns’ folk awaiting their bound parents sacrifice. So the kids save the day, and everyone is safe. They decide to move again and as they are leaving after everything is packed up, a new family rolls up the driveway and announces that they are the new owners of the house. But the worst part is that as they pull away from the home, Amanda sees who she believes is Mr. Dawes ushering the new occupants in the house. So she pretty much condemns the new family to murder. Nice.

Definitely not the best one in the series I can tell already, and im not entirely sure why or how this story kicked off the series, or helped in its popularity. The writing is obviously meant for younglings and I appreciate that. I’m hoping that the future books are at least a little better. Below is a little desert for those who want a mental refresher, I found the Welcome to Dead House episode that aired on Fox quite a while ago. Enjoy the commercials!


Ancient Reptilian Alien Implanted In Obama’s Head

I came across this lovely video at io9 and thought I would share. It would seem, or at least it has been brought to my attention that our president is harboring a reptilian alien known to inhabit the heads of Egyptian Pharaohs.  To me it looks more like a crazy demon, or skull, or haircut, but what do I know. Sounds like the lady in the video is a bona-fide professional though.

I have actually come across this theory and comments in the like on a couple of sites some folks really think this is a real deal. Do you buy it, or do you think that someone who hates Obama was busy trying to figure out to use Photoshop CS5, found a creepy filter and saw the what her eyes wanted? Either way it was a good laugh for this dull Monday evening, after all there’s no news like good news.

And don’t forget to pray for our President!!


HPPodcraft.com – Episode 101 – The Evil Clergyman & The Horror in the Burying Ground

Wow, A week has passed, and as I type this out the newest episode of the HP Lovecraft Literary Podcast is up and running. So I thought I’d make this a quick one, especially since there’s not much to talk about in regards to this fine episode.

This week is a double feature, “The Evil Clergyman“, and “The Horror in the Burying Ground“. Neither are my cup of tea, nor were they very sweet on Chad or Chris by the sound of it. Though no one seems to be thoroughly impressed with these two, the reader this week is Michael Ford, father in-law to Chris, and all around handsome sounding character, cetainly gives these two tales a shine. If there is a reason why I like these two stories episode, Michael would be that reason, and the sweet sound of the music of fellow North Dakotan, Troy Sterling Nies.

The Evil Clergyman” was a dream, according to Lovecraft, that he wrote about to a friend who later published it after Lovecraft’s death. So I wouldn’t be too hard on this one folks, like Chris and Chad said, I’m sure he would have worked this thing out better with a plot that actually made sense.

And then there was “The Horror in the Burying Ground” the final revision Lovecraft did for that terrible Hazel Heald. Well, I guess I don’t know how terrible she really was because it seems Lovecraft really never had anything nice to say about the folks he ghost wrote for. Both of these tales have a bit humor in them, but “The Horror in the Burying Ground” seems to resonate with the muffled chuckles of Lovecraft himself.

The sponsor for this weeks show is David Maurice Garrett. This guy has a great new book entitled, Tome of Horror: The Collected Dark Fiction, and its available in paperback or Kindle. Check out David’s blog, Visions of the Dark, because mainly his name is David, and I hear that’s a good name.

Though not a lot of praise has been handed to these two tales, I do suggest you read them and spawn your own opinion and tell us what you think, or head over to HPPodcraft.com and let them know what was on your mind while reading them. Of coarse its a great episode regardless of the tales being covered. I always enjoy my Thursdays with Chris and Chad, and its sad to think that maybe around April they will be done going through Lovecraft’s work. I only hope that they continue doing something. Cheers!


The Lovecraft, Spoof on The Loveboat.

Boarded with all your favorite characters, no its not the Loveboat, its the Lovecraft!


HPPodcraft.com – Episode 99/100 – The Thing on the Doorstep

It’s been a long hard couple of years, but since June of 2009, the world has had the H.P. Lovecraft Literary Podcast to make it easier. I mention this because Chad and Chris have hit their 100th episode! Congrats to those gentlemen. In the beginning of the 100th episode the guys talk about what they’ve done to get where they are now and what’s in store for the future. I am excited to see where these two take it and I am sure I will be listening every step of the way.

Lately when Chris and Chad do a two part story, or three, I wait till the final episode to post about it. If it goes over three parts I usually cover every other episode. So this week I sandwiched episode 99, and 100 to sum up what went down in one shot. The guys didn’t have a physical voice or guest for this story, but they were able to get some side notes from Michael Reaves.

Most people may not know the name, but Reaves is quite prolific. He’s done work for Gargoyles, The New Batman, He-Man, and most notably (especially to me) The Real Ghostbusters. Check out more of his work and what he’s accomplished here. Anyway, the guys were unable to get him on the show, so they read some stuff he wrote for the episodes. Very clever and very sharp stuff from Michael, and I hope to hear, and see more from him in the future.

Now im not going to go into too much detail on what the guys talked about in regards to The Thing on the Doorstep, however I encourage all to listen to what these guys had to say about this story. The reader this week is Fred Cross, and he does an excellent job voicing out the distress from characters Edward, and Dan. Though this story is almost a little to incestial, if that’s a word, it has a great undertone that Chad points out as the trouble people go through when losing their identity, and the perversion of others encroaching in on your morals.

Also this week listen for the special code for 10% of any order at Miskatonic Books. That deal is going through Valentine’s Day, so get on over and make a couple orders. Again congrats to these guys and I hope to be hearing another 200 episodes as we wind down this cosmically colored path beyond the darkest of the hillside thickets. A special treat! I posted at the bottom the actual episode of The Real Ghostbusters, The Collect Call of Cthulhu, and Cheers!


Welcome to Hoxford by Ben Templesmith


Life has been hard for Raymond Delgado. Abuse, war, and death have changed his perspective on life, and now, he believes he’s a god. With a reputation of not playing well with others, and after being bounced around from prison to prison, Ray finds himself on a first class right to Hoxford. Maintained by Warden Gordon Baker, Hoxford is a privately ran institution that has a reputation of harboring prisoners that will never be released unto the world. But there’s something else about Hoxford, something dark, and Ray can smell it. Off his medication and into the land of delusion that makes up his reality, Ray, the new god, is the only hope for the insufferable crew that inhabits the cells of this damned prison.

Im of coarse talking about Ben Templesmith’s graphic novel, Welcome To Hoxford,a gripping tale that left me feeling more thoughtful rather than perplexed.

Mr. Templesmith’s line of work is quite prolific. Most might know his work from the graphic novel, 30 Days of Night, along with, Wormwood, Fell, and his adaptation of Bram Stokers, Dracula. He has been nominated for several Eisner Awards, International Horror Guild Awards, and has won a Spike TV Scream Award.

Welcome To Hoxford is a gripping tale that I believe is best shown through Templesmith’s art. I went through the book three times right away when I got it. First, like any excited kid, to see the pictures, and to see if I could get a sense of what the story was by the art alone. Second, I read through it. And third, I went through it with the two put together. I liked what I saw, but I felt the writing fell kind of flat from time to time. Like the rise and fall of a good tune though, it kept me flowing. I wasn’t exactly sure about how the whole things ends, but I feel like I took something away from the story that some people might not get.

I am unsure if Ben had a legit meaning behind Welcome To Hoxford, but something I admired was the character, Ray Delgado’s way of thinking. I’ve been told before by people, “The world is what you make it”, and “If you believe it enough, you make it true.” And that is something that I believe was a strong characteristic of Ray. Sure, he thought he was a god, and had a problem with biting… people. He believes he’s so powerful, that in fact, he says he will kill our god at a time of his choosing. So when shit hits the fan, and it does, it’s no surprise that this man will not back down without a fight. He believes in himself so much that his power comes from within. Something that supported my theory is the way the book ends. Though he ends on top, he’s not a god, and he changes his perspective again, which makes me think he really is a schizophrenic pshycho that can’t get his mind right on what he wants to be in this world.

Besides the ending, I enjoyed and continue to enjoy this book. There is something about Templesmiths art that reminds me of Ralph Steadman, but with more attention to detail, I like that. I have had it for about a week, and I have gone through it eight times. So I say check this one out folks.  While you’re at it check out Ben’s blog or his Official site by clicking the links or clicking on the banner in the middle of the page. His work is available at Amazon.com, or his site. I must admit that I came across this story after viewing the fan made film below. Great adaptation of this story, and I think you all would enjoy. Im giving this one 4 out of 5 stars in alignment.

Welcome to Hoxford, the fan film from Julien Mokrani on Vimeo.


The Black Book ~ Animated by Balázs Rónyai

I found this little jewel on www.Newgrounds.com and thought I would share. Enjoy!


Monster Review: Monsters ~ Alien Invasion Film That Conquers Nothing

So, let me start by saying that you can’t judge a book by its cover, like you can’t judge a film by its posters, teasers, trailers etc… What I mean by the later is when you see an upcoming flick with a name like, oh well say MONSTERS, accompanied by a poster that reflects a semi-apocalyptic world, you think you’re going to get some monsters. Right?

The premise: Six years ago NASA discovered the possibility of alien life within our solar system. A probe was launched to collect samples, but crashed upon reentry over Central America. Soon after, new life forms began to appear and half of Mexico was quarantined as an INFECTED ZONE. Today, the American and Mexican military still struggle to contain “the creatures” … The story begins when a U.S. journalist agrees to escort a shaken American tourist through the infected zone to the safety of the U.S. border.

Ok now that were all on track let’s get into this thing. Written and directed by Gareth Edwards, Monsters, is more of a soft apocalyptic romance than the thriller it’s advertised to be. I was very captivated by the beautiful cinematography, and how Edwards was able to pepper in signs of destruction so naturally. I figured the story between Andrew (Scoot McNairy) and Sam (Whitney Able) would turn into a romantic one, because people seem to come together in times of survival. But I found it hard to sympathize with two people who had to cross “dangerous” territory to get back to America for no particular reason.

Scoot McNairy in front of alien attack mural

After a half-hour in of character building, the only thing that kept me watching was the hope of some serious “monster” action, since the title seemed to imply I might see some. I can’t even remember the word “monster” even being used in the film. The aliens seem to come in two sizes, big spidery Octopuses, which I thought were Cthulhu Spawns, and the larva that grow on the trees of the Mexican jungle that make up the “Infected Zone”. Through the whole movie we get glimpses of dead tentacles and eerie sounds from the shadowed jungle, but we never get a clear shot of them because they come out at night. Nothing about them seems scary, and they only do violent things when provoked or attacked, leaving us to believe they are a docile species and we’re the ones over reacting.

I don’t want to give away the ending in case there is anyone who wants to check it out for themselves, but I wasn’t impressed at all. For those who have heard, or think this is the next District 9 your sadly mistaken, and it’s a crime to compare Monsters to the likes of it. Im giving this feature a single shining star. Bing


The Lurking Fear Part 1 & 2~ Animation by Eric Koenig

At first I thought the Walt Disney company had a dark side, then I saw the animator simply has worked for Disney, Dreamworks, and The Simpsons. All of which shows in this piece. Take a fearful stroll through an animated story board adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Lurking Fear”. Enjoy!


From Beyond ~ H.P.L. Adapted Animated Short by Michael Granberry

Saw this on the YouTube homepage, and thought I’d give it a look. Pretty good stuff for a claymation/stop motion animation. Strange adaptation of “From Beyond”, but clever none the less.


Monster Review: Troll Hunter ~ Norwegian Mockumentary Exposes Existence of Trolls

I came across this flick on YouTube about a year ago when I saw a new trailer for a foreign movie called, Troll Hunter, directed by André Øvredal. The effect of the teaser being the shaky camera, the quick movements, people screaming, and line “The most important film of our time is Norwegian.” left me thirsting for more. So when I saw it appear on Netflix’s instant watch list, I jumped at the chance to view it. Shot with the same jerky camera appeal that made The Blair Witch Project, or Cloverfield shine, Troll Hunter brings back the old myths and legends of the Norse trolls, only to prove they’re not myths.

Something is happening in the hills and mountains of Norway. It seems bears are to blame for a lot of problems, including killing people, which galvanizes a group of university film students to follow the accounts and document their findings. But as they begin to follow a supposed bear poacher, they discover bears aren’t what’s behind the recent problems, and the poacher’s not hunting normal game. Hans (played by Otto Jespersen), they find, is a troll hunter, dispatched by a sect of the Norwegian government to dispel trolls that wander from their territory and to close to human occupied areas.

After being convinced of the existence of trolls, the students agree with Hans to follow the troll hunter and film his work. Knowing the government will not like this idea, Hans describes how the job sucks and he’s ready for people to know just how dangerous it is to go wandering in the wrong neck of the woods. He then goes on throughout the movie telling tiny stories, and giving very convincing explanations as to how these creatures have been covered up for years.

“People want natural explanations. But if you know what to look for, you’ll see what’s caused by trolls.” says Hans as he explains how a bridge collapse was caused by a troll standing up and hitting the bridge with its head.

To me this film covers all its tracks. From why some trolls explode instead of turning to stone from exposure to light, to why some have three heads.  Even the very Jurassic Park explanation as to why there are so many high voltage powerlines crossing the beautiful mountains. After all you need something to keep the big guys contained. Right? The running joke about how the trolls can sniff out Christian blood was also a nice laughable touch. All the little details that made my skin itch with the question, could this be real? Well could it?

A film like this deserves attention, and it’s getting it, im just not sure how I feel about it. From what I hear, a remake is already in the works. Yep, it seems Chris Columbus, of Gremlins and The Goonies fame, has taken the reigns over on the U.S. rights to the film, and a script is being written. It might not be true, but I read that a lot of the dialect in the original was improvised. It does seem to have that feel to it, with the casual flow, and the dry comical delivery that Otto Jespersen brings to the table. And if that’s true, I really hope that the new film would be the same. For the most part I can’t believe America has to take a NEW perfectly amazing foreign film and desensitize it so quickly.

Ah, but I digress. The bottom line is see this film! Through all of the reviews and comments I have seen for this movie I haven’t come across many bad ones. For the most part people believe that this how “found films” should be and I agree. Like I said before it left me wanting more, movie wise, and also knowledge wise. After I finished watching I jumped onto my computer to read up as much as I could about trolls, and even Norway. So it should be no surprised that since I like this movie that I give it 4 out of 5 stars in alignment. If I haven’t convinced you, well then just check out the trailer below, or the actual movie on Netflix. Enjoy!


The Statement of Randoph Carter – Animation by Eldritch Animation

Another animated short by Eldritch Animation that takes a different look at the story of “The Statement of Randoph Carter”. Enjoy!